Force

Tuesday I hopefully discharge from the hospital, as long as my days off go okay.
     I have lost and regained my confidence several times since entering inpatient the beginning of March and going into the partial program last month. My depression has waxed and wained and so have my eating disorder symptoms. I'm starting to get my memory back on some things and am told I will get my memory back even more as time passes.
     I am ready to discharge to the intensive outpatient program and yet, part of me feels like I am being forced out due to work. My job protection ended May 5th and I am now on borrowed time. I am very lucky to have a supportive work environment with supervisors that are granting me understanding and extra time. But I can't help feeling like I would be more ready if I didn't feel the rush to get back to work, if I still had my job protection.
     Having that protection gave me permission to take my time and it's like now that I do not have it (even though my job would give me more time if needed) I need to go back to work regardless of my readiness.
     I am ready. I just feel like I would have more confidence in my recovery and ability if I still had my FMLA umbrella.