Sunday, October 30, 2011

Perpetual Senior

I had this written a couple weeks ago. But I couldn't post it. And now it's no longer accurate because where I was two weeks ago is completely different from where I am now. I'm living in the repercussions of decisions made last week and two weeks ago.

I'm still burned out. This is manifested in my inability to journal, my inability to finish blogs, and my inability to look at DBT skills too closely. I also can't seem to open my mouth to friends and let them know how I am feeling. I'm still not in therapy. I've realized what a week without the unconditional person to listen to does to my stress level. Do I go back though? No, I still have another 2 weeks until I go back. If I decide I need a break, I'll follow through that decision. I did decide to go ahead and keep my dietitian appointment for this coming week, even though it goes against my desire to take a break from treatment for a month.

Work is there: I am in the process of auditioning for the Disney transforming the workplace at my hospital. If selected I will be one of 25 associates part of these groups that will change how my hospital works with others.

My other 'job' is still a part of my life. It will be for the foreseeable future. Against all desire to actually stay I find myself stuck here. The rental fell through. Every place I had a desire to buy fell through for one reason, or another. In reality, the shelter is not bad and is a blessing in many ways, especially on my pocket. But I want my wings, I want to fly.

Oh, and I'm accepted into school. It's weird, seeing senior next to my name on my transcripts now. I am a college senior. I have enough college credits, enough life experience, that I should have a degree. Of course, I will be a senior for the next 18 months as I finish the requirements for my degree. And I currently have a 0.0. I need to talk to someone about 4.0 WILL transfer dang it. And I'm crazy enough to take 3 classes in spring. I will need coffee. lots of coffee.

So, that's where I am now. In lieu of getting this out to you all before my life changes and this is no longer accurate, I am not posting much effort.

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