Monday, January 23, 2012
I have a little pocket
I have a pseudo pocket in my chest cavity. In this pocket I carry all of my emotions: anger, fear, joy, stress,shame, guilt. It also happens to be the place where medicine lands when it isn't swallowed properly.
This is the place that becomes icy with fear and shame. The hole that grows hot with anger and jealousy. That glows bright with joy and love. It's the part of me that panics when I feel that I am being judged and full when I am grieving. It grows tight when I can't breathe because my burden is too heavy and light at those moments when I feel free.
This is where I feel the hurt of being left for being me. It's where the hole is that will never be filled from those that I have lost. It is where I try to hide when the world becomes too much. It's where I try to stuff the secrets too depraved to share with others, for fear of losing someone close to me.
What I am finding is this place inside me is a part that needs to be healed. Of course I will always carry my emotions there, and miss-swallowed pills will still land. But, the hard stuff, the stuff that needs to be shared, shouldn't be locked away. The hurts I harbor and the blame I place on myself...both of these have to be expunged in order to fully feel free.
Let go of past hurts. Feelings of resentment (or revenge) are worthless-they can only drag you down. The courage to forgive and move on is so liberating. Make it a rule: "Always be the first to forgive-especially yourself."