When I grow up

Want is a fickle word. Especially when affixed to what one wants out of life. What we want and what we need are completely different.

For me, what I want out of life is fairly conservative. I've done too many twists and change of course to want anything extravagant. For me, I wanted to be a linguist, but I needed to be a civilian. I wanted to be a nurse, but needed to mature. I wanted to finish my degree in an appropriate time, but I needed to sort through issues in my life more. Even though the changes were a necessary evil, as more of these accrue, the grief over losing the want gets a little more engrained. 

But, I must also realize to not dream small, just in case they come true so here's my prayer: "Disturb me, Lord, when my dreams come true only because I dreamed too small. Disturb me, when I arrive safely only because I sailed too close to the shore. Disturb me, when the things I've gained cause me to lose my thirst for more of you. Disturb me, when I've acquired success only to lose my desire for excellence. Disturb me, when I give up too soon and settle too far short of the goals you have set for my life."

I aspire to make a difference during my journey. To impact others through my actions and words. I want my words to be powerful and remembered. I want to be healthy and strong. I want to run races and travel to unseen places. I want to keep an open mind and believe in new things.

I know, in due time, I will finish my degree. I will help people through my profession. I will write a book. I will get married and have a family. I will be strong and reliable to them. But, these are more like milestones in the journey and a lot of them will be achieved 
through the process of refining my attributes.

I must also remember that everyone's journey through life is different. The pace and timing of getting to and onward from milestones is never the same. One person cannot be compared to another.