Friday, November 25, 2011

The next five years

Five years...260 weeks...1,825 days...2,333,000 minutes. What will you do with it? What could you do with it.

This coming March I will hit a five year mark since a significant milestone/catalyst happened that has changed my life. The last five years I haven't been keeping track of time, I didn't think about the passing of time, I didn't want to commemorate the fact that five years have passed. But, in looking at a 5 year plan for my life now I have, inevitably, analyzed the last five years of my life.

It's crazy how much time has passed since my first hospital visit. Since the first time I actually took the initiative to address what I was struggling with as an adult. The last time I actively denied I had an issue. I mean, how can a person say everything is fine when they have had their shoelaces taken away? I was not fine, obviously.

And the last five years have been a whirlwind journey. A continuation on the path of discovery that began back in 2007. I've learned that problems bite you in the ass when you don't deal with them. It is far easier to kick and scream and run, than it is to actually look pain in the face, take it by the hand, and heal. I've learned the value of actually staying put, going to school for the right reasons, to stop taking other people's opinion as sacred in my own life.

That brings into question the next five years: Over the next five years, what do you really want to do? What do you really want to have? What do you really want to be? Where do you really want to go?

In the next five years I want to complete my Master's degree program. I want to run a marathon. I want to be in the process of finding positions as a therapist. I want to be in a home, my home. I want to live down south. I want to travel overseas. I want to experience something I haven't experienced before.

School is mapped out (pretty much). I know what classes I need to take, and when, in order to finish my Bachelors by 2013, which will give me 3.5 years to apply to/get accepted into/complete my master's degree. The therapist position is something impossible to actually map out and make concrete plans about because I have no idea, nor would I want to limit, the influence school/internships/experiences will have on my career path. I would like to think this will land me down south. But, maybe, I will find a civilian position in a mental health clinic for the military overseas. Maybe I'll do both. At the very least, I'm taking a trip somewhere, anywhere, overseas when I finish my Masters.

I want to buy a home...although I fully expect this will just be in the formulation process five years from now. I don't want to tie myself down somewhere until I know that it's right for me. I've been there, done that, and never again. But, home is state of mind sometimes. So, at the very least, I want to feel at home in my own skin.

I want to run a marathon. It's actually been on my to-do list for many years and I want to be able to cross a finish line before the five years is up. I want to be in such a head space that this is an actual benefit to my life, not a detriment.

There are so many things I'm waiting to experience...and I welcome all of them. Whether it's as simple as waking up every morning with crystal clarity in regards to the beauty in every day or a healthy companionable relationship.

It feels good to dream.

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