Tuesday, November 20, 2012

November Twentieth

Welcome back to the confessions of the lamp. I was able to get up today but it cannot, in anyway, be contributed to the lamp because I haven't used it in a couple weeks. I am trying this thing where I become a morning person even though it will not be useful when i work nights. Although, maybe it will and I'll be able to work on no fuel. That thought is definitely already planted.

The next 4 weeks are so chaotic and I'm tired thinking about it. 40+ hours a week of training, plus the last few weeks of school, plus recovery, plus trying to not be a total recluse. Isolating may definitely occur though because I have three papers due over the next few weeks and I've barely started on one.

I'm trying to think this is doable. I'm not doing homework after 10pm and I'm trying to be in bed by 11. I do some kind of art/self-care for a while after I do homework. I only clean in 10 minute spurts (ha,ha). It doesn't feel like enough though. And I don't have time to go to the gym. My apartment is still a mess. The homework feels like it isn't getting done. But I can only do so much.

Treatment is. I have been dropping weight and I like this but being an eating disorder patient makes this a bad thing. I know my team is going to be frustrated with me because my new position makes it really easy to go without eating for extended periods. I mean yesterday I only ate 1/4bag salad, half a scone, and a small bag of animal crackers over my 8 hours of work. I did eat a regular meal when I got home though, that counts right?

This post definitely reflects the chaotic nature of my apartment, my job, treatment, my brain. I wish I could call in crazy to work. :)

Maybe I'll make more sense tomorrow.

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